2012 - Is it the end?

Last Sunday, I watched this movie. This was really amazing picture. I did like it very much! I expected some graphic and scenes at the end of the movie but they started up movie excellently. The main thing in this movie lies in keeping the momentum up through out the movie. Many take good topics but fail in presentation. Of course, having the best resources at Hollywood and spending millions of dollars, they only can make such kind of movies.

It also fulfilled my wish. I always like to see a big water flow pouring from the height of the sky. I tell my friends that I would die for such a scene. I know my wish costs many lives but I do like it and I dream of it many times. This time I have seen my dream on big screen. How nice it could be!!!

Graphic work was fantastic and they also tried to show human side of some politicians. Sadly, there is no president is part of that meeting in the movie and all Indians die in vain :) Of course, even if it happens for real, we do die. India can't sponsor such kind of costly experiments unless they stop stealing money out of India.

Overall, I felt very happy to watch the movie :) waiting for the time to come by........

Retrospection of my jobs

I was thinking of various jobs I have done so far and thought of keeping them here!

1. Collection Boy (for a scheme)
2. Lottery Tickets Agent
3. Manager of my own Cool Drinks Shop
4. Distributor for Funny Soft Drinks
5. Magician
6. Caretaker in School
7. Teacher in School
8. Lab Assistant in a computer institute
9. DTP Operator
10. Faculty at a computer institute
11. Programmer
12. Lecturer
13. Freelancer
14. Software Engineer

hmmm... In the last 10 years of my career, I have done the above 14 jobs. Many of them overlap each other at various periods as I did so many as part-time jobs. While I used to manage my shop in Narasaraopet, I tried the first 10 jobs. When I moved my family to Guntur, I started up with 11, 12 & 13 as parallel jobs. When I moved to Hyderabad, I started working only for the company!

Software Engineer could be the longest career after my teacher job in school, which lasted for 6 years! I wonder what would be my next job in the coming years. There is no wonder I play with my CV while applying for jobs as I was into many roles at the same time and I have true experience in various places doing various jobs. Unknown people may think differently but I always try to reflect the true image of myself.

While most of the jobs have given me job satisfaction, a very few has given me financial strength. When I started off my work in my early age, many has taken benefit out of my innocence. The first job I could not do more than a month. He agreed to collect money when I have free time as I look after my shop. Later on, he started pressurizing me to spend full-time and used abusive words once, which made me to resign on spot. I have to go away from the second one due to the similar issue.

The third one I continued till I stayed in Narasaraopet. We closed our shop just when we thought of moving to Guntur. The fourth one - it was very strange. I saw an ad in newspaper asking for dealers in every town. I wrote a letter and they came after 6 months to my shop, which I accepted and promoted their product in my town. I introduced those soft drinks in all shops and got very good respone. The stock was over in one day!! After a few days, they didn't turn up to our town for unknown reasons so that was over.

Out of my personal interest, I tried and learnt some magics and roamed with a magician who again cheated me! One day I had to sell off my items as I needed money. He took those items but he failed to pay me!! Even today, he didn't pay me.

After experimenting with all these options, my headmaster of school visited my shop and asked me to join school and work there. This has proved to be a turning point in my life. I worked for a long time under his guidance and has stabilized myself in that field. Slowly, I learnt computer basics where the institute owner offered me with a job there. I accepted and joined as a lab assistant. Later on, I started doing DTP work, which made me famous in town!!!

Life moved on very fast, I completed my graduation and joined a institute to teach computer basics. I thought of writing ICET and do MCA, but could not apply as I didn't have money. My friend, Murali, advised me of doing MCA from IGNOU. I started in this way and I moved to Guntur in search of relevant experience and learning. There I have got a good team and very good experience in development, fortunately. Finally, I moved to Hyderabad after completion of MCA and the rest is known to everyone.

Fortunately, wherever I was successful I noticed that I have got a very good working partner. In SSC - Vijaya, Inter - Anil, Nagababu, Degree - Anil K, MCA - Gopal Reddy. In work at Guntur, Naidu; in Hyderabad - Ramesh & Neelima. in Pune - Smita & Krishna. I have performed well wherever I got a good working partner. I like to discuss every task with someone and give / take inputs in very positive and friendly way. This is definitely a blessing of God.

Unfortunately, whatever I think will not happen in my life, however hard I work and whatever the effort I put in. There will be some or the other obstacle. My final goal in education is doing a M.Tech. Don't know when and if I can achieve in my life!

Special Diwali

I think it's almost 10 years that I celebrated Diwali. From 1998, for 5 years, we have not celebrated as we counted on each paise. Later I have not had interest to celebrate alone at home! So, we used to bring just a packet of candles and my mom used to lit them.

This time I went home on some work and my mom has got purchased crackers for me and asked me to enjoy. But, I was quite reluctant and forcibly taken down to fire them. Then, I realized that there are many children in my complex. On the first day, we have all enjoyed together and I got more interest. I purchased more crackers the second day :)

I taught those children and guided them through. I have taught the dangerous way of firing crackers with hands!! But, quite a lot, we enjoyed the company of each other for two days! Time has passed very fast and on third day I returned to Pune. But, later my mom told me that the children were very sad that they could not find me on the third day. They returned from school very fast discussing among themselves that they will enjoy today also in my company!! As I didn't turn up on time, they came to my home and found that I have already left!

hmmmm... Even I felt the same here that I should have been in Guntur :) I have forgot everything in their company after a long time. I think I have understood what I need! Hopefully, I get to that very soon... Life and family is more valuable than money and society.

My House-Warming

Finally, after a year, I'm able to do my much awaited house warming. There are some positives that I'm proud of. This is the first function that is held in our family. I'm the first in my near-family and in my generation to purchase a home! Nice to know that.

I was so afraid that someone will not be satisfied with my function arrangements and had to hear so many comments!! By God's grace, everything went smooth as expected and I have not received any complaints. It's just due to the less invitations I sent. I have just invited only my close relatives and 4-5 friends. I wanted it to be simple and easy as I'm the only person who needs to take care of everything. If I had invited more, I would have spoiled it. Strangely, I have forgotten to invite 3 of my friends!!!

I was very tired and busy with so many works and arrangements for a week but all my pain has gone when I saw everything moved satisfactorily. I have also not compromised on quality of anything in the function. As it's the first of it's kind, I have spent a bit more than I planned. I have arranged all of my relatives to receive new clothes on this occasion and a small gift for all families attended!

Only dis-satisfaction lies with me that I can't watch my house-warming completely. As it's in night time and I had to do other works simultaneously, I watched it in bits and pieces. I realized the mistake of not arranging a video-shoot at that time. But, I can't bring it back!!! My brother did house-warming on behalf of our family as my father can't sit and stay for longer time!

I'm happy because most of the people whom I invited attended my function. I clearly mentioned them that I'm just inviting whom I feel very close to me or my family. Many of them respected my invitation and I should appreciate two of my friends came from a different city with their family closing down their business in their busiest business timings.

It's nice to sleep for 3 days in my new home. I'm now very eager to shift over there. There are still many works pending. They look small but can eat lot of time! So, I have got 8th Oct as one memorable day in my life...

Future Plan

I have so many things going on in my mind at present on my future plan! I started feeling that I need to go to Hyderabad as soon as possible. Life has become dry in Pune and it is quite a long period for me. I don't find anything enjoyable when I don't stay with my family. People see me as a different person, secluded, not interested, dull, lazy - but whatever it's I always feel lonely though my friends do stay with me.

There has been an interesting turn in office as my old manager talked to Nitin. He complained Subir that Sarath is not at all interested to work, sometimes he doesn't even answer his queries, blah blah blah!!! Subir wanted me to perform in that team as well. But, the point here is I'm performing but under the blind and partial eyes of Nitin. I see many good points in the discussion with Subir and he wanted me not to let him down as he told Nitin that I'll perform best!!!

There are lots of things I can say about Nitin but if I start them it ends up in complaining against a big guy spoiling my life. He assigned a task to a senior lady with 9+ yrs (i guess) in the team and he was asking for an update. "Kaha tak hogaya aap ka kaam?", asked Nitin with a cute smile. That lady replied, "kar rahee hoon!" with a smile in reply! Nitin smiled and said, "aap expert hein usme! muze team mein expertise ko rakne ka kya phayada!" She smiled at him!! Wahhh, I could just smile inside, how much happy both people are!!! But why doesn't he talk to me in the same way??? He has assigned me some works and while he was asking for an update, he had a seriousness (don't know some big word other than this) on his face and asked me, "Sarath, where are you with this? Why are you not doing that?". How come I reply with a smile like her, when he blasted me!!! He again blasted, "What's the use of your 7 yrs exp???".

Why do they show discrimination? I understand what Subir told me!! But I can't afford this. I take to heart if someone shows partiality. After all, we are serving company for the same goal irrespective of designations! I strongly believe we need to work together rather than playing tricks!!!

Nitin told Subir that he is arrogant and he can't be softer! Why can't he be??? If he asks me a guy like me that I'm unfit, the same applies to him. Why can't he learn to manage people? Of course, he might have double of the experience that I have and he need to differentiate that. He is not ready to change himself and he asks others to change!! He complains that I'm not interested to work. Yes, I'm not at all getting interest. How can I get interest if you show partiality? At the same time, I'm not lagging behind my deliverables.

I told him clearly that I can't manage people. I have my limitations and I know them. I'm very sensitive and definitely this sensitiveness will not help me in managing people! Like he has a limitation that be can't be softer, I have my own limitation. The only difference is he won't agree that he has no people management skills but I do agree!

He also told Subir that he will not be relieving me from team but he wanted me to perform what he was expecting!!! hmmmmm... He also confirmed that he is not going to give any good feedback on me, if I get released!! I know that and I believe that there is no future in the company for me and I need to change as early as possible. I have to hurry up before it becomes poision and enter my professional life. I have never expected that I get a day like this :( None of my supervisors, colleagues had any serious complaints on me like this! Whatever issues were there, they were not even to be considered and I settled the issues with them personally.

I feel I wanted to show him what I'm but there is no use to put my efforts here as he won't be appreciating anymore! I'm getting spoiled with my thoughts. I have never shown hatred and if I start showing hatred that hurts me very bad as well!

No one can really understand me as I'm two-faced! What they see is not What I'm. I look serious when they see me, but I am very sensitive and never try to hurt anyone. I even accept that I'm wrong and don't complain at my enemies because I don't want to fight with anyone! I look very miser but I don't count anything exactly spent on my friends! I wear even very old clothes at home. My friends do see me differently but I can't help it! Because I love them. I feel I have a bond with the clothes that I'm wearing for years! I can't really throw them away very easily. Once I start love something, however it's, I can never miss it! That's the reason I always stick to a few friends, a few items and everything has a limit in my life. I accept anything if I believe that I can justify it. There are many things people see me differently than what I'm actually. Even my best friends do faulter about me many times because I don't like to express anything.

Let's see what happens in my professional and personal life. I believe some interesting things might happen in the coming 4 weeks of time - good or bad, everything is for our good only.

Tough Time

After quite a long period of 9 yrs, I have lost peace in my life. Though it's not new to me, I see I have taken / am taking a lot of time to recover from the loss. When I was hit with a problem 9 years ago, I was 19 and it took months of time for me to recover. I changed my lifestyle in such a way that I should not get into that problem again!!! I'm also successful so far, until I met Nitin.

I could not forget him in my life as he broke my confidence into pieces and made my 7years of hard work void. I still could not understand what he wants to achieve!!! Starting from the 1st day of my stay in the new project, he started asking me to do many things, which a human being can't achieve. I could ask him so many questions but that would hurt my position in the company.

I was not given any induction when I joined the project. I was not given any KT. I was just given with a set of folders which contained code, and which was claimed to be not runnable on our machines due to data issue. I was able to run one application on the first day including a hacking I did. I was able to run another application on my second day apart from my deliverables. While I was working hard to understand the flow, and trying to meet deadlines, I was blasted with hard words on the third day, which really spoiled my health.

I really don't understand what anyone else can do! I'm still proud of the work I did but he isn't. How can a man make a statement that "you not worthy of your experience" in just 3 days??? I delivered my deliverables well ahead of my schedules as usual I did in past! I also helped other guy to fix his problem!

Krishna, my team mate, has been worried about a problem in his UI, that he could not fix for two days!! It has become an issue in team meeting and Nitin ORDERED everyone to look into it and help him! On the first day, none looked into it because everyone has our work to do first! I took it on the second day but before I give him solution he asked to come to meeting in the early morning and again blasted all for not solving it. He also advised other senior members to invite some EXPERTs in HTML from outside of the project and take help!!!

I have fixed that issue in just 30 min and Krishna was very happy and informed Nitin that Sarath solved his issue. There was not a single word from his mouth! He didn't even say "good". Though I was not expecting any appreciation, this shows the character of a person who blasts when work was not done and who doesn't recognize your hard work!!!

On the other hand, the day I returned from my home, I worried about the pathetic situation of my parents! My father is not able to walk now and my mom has become very weak! They don't take care of themselves. Whatever they are and however they are, they are my parents. They brought me up and they gave me the foundation where I believe was very good. When they need me, I should be really with them. I don't really care money. My family and their satisfaction is more important my personal achievements. I started feeling pressurized with this on how I can take care of them!! I need to get a job in Hyderabad, Chennai or Bangalore asap. Otherwise, I need to go back to Guntur and find a job.

Both of the events affected me at once resulting in spoiling my health! I really took Nitin's words to my heart. I feel very weak even after 10 days. But, though I'm not 100% healthy, I went to office and delivered all my items. Also, I delivered some other items (extra items given by Nitin). Am I not working enough? Am I escaper? He feels that I'm a kind of escaper, which I heard for the first time in my life. I don't know what this experience would take me towards to and what God wants to shape me towards!

Something new...

After a long time of 3 years, today I have enjoyed my first day of bench life. Though the situation is looking quite cool, we can't say anything right now! I'm just doing my work of brushing up my skills leaving everything to fate. I see that I am losing many opportunities due to my educational background! My degree is on commerce and PG is from Open Univeristy - both playing spoil-sport in my career. But, I feel always there is an exception in India! Will I be an exception to this? Can I get any new chance to prove myself?

My home construction and my marriage are both on parallel lines - both are going quite slow! I was of impression that my marriage was about to finalize but seems that's going out of hands! Whenever I say anything to others, as I always believe it doesn't happen easily in my life! I need to keep everything secret from everyone until I get result :)

I don't know when my roomie, Vijay, gets a job! Recession has shown the worst in his life. I have just heard from my mother that a girl of our neighbourhood has lost her job! I'm trying my best with Vijay in improving both of our skills and involving him in technical discussions. I pray God to show him a path very soon!